Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Two years ago we watched Justin Timberlake give tribute to Janet Jackson's breasts on national TV, and ever since then we can barely tolerate the word 'breasts,' especially in newsprint. So amazing was the crackdown that I sit here today and think back those floppy breasts and wonder if my half-wood was responsible for the stammering done by those media suits when asked to "come clean" by the House and Senate. We got to see these gentlemen attempt to explain why Jackson's breasts got them supoenaed all the way to Washington D.C.
These breasts (the left one in particular) also nearly ruined the careers of Howard Stern and Bubba The Love Sponge, two radio jocks who had famously declared their love for breasts and were blindsided by panicky numbers-crunchers who slid dense legal documents across mahogany desks to prove to station managers that outrageous legal battles and hefty fines were not in the interest of any station--least of those with managers who wanted to move up in the conglomerate.
So this left breast helped push at least two citizens in a new direction. Bubba The Love Sponge and Howard Stern are now free of that (particular) breast and can talk all they want, carefree, about all manner of breasts on satellite radio.

If your life was impacted by Janet Jackson's breasts, feel free to comment.


Kole said...

The Bigger Impact On Me Left The Moving Of Justin Timberlake Hand Towards Hir Tits.......I Gotta Fellin` That Quentin Tarantino Directed Moving Of That Hand!

Patrick said...

Hey buddy :P