SL/Meet Hadda Doobie

...He's headless

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Kanako Yokosuka: how can i change my appearance?
Hadda Doobie: you aren't allowed to change your appearance for at least one week after arriving inworld
Hadda Doobie: i know, i was born with a beard
Droog Voom: lololol
[Someone pointed out Hadda's lack of a head.]
Hadda Doobie: i had a head when i first came inworld
Hadda Doobie: but we had such a severe lag storm recently I'm grateful this much survived
Atom Cryotank: have you explored much?
Hadda Doobie: i started to explore when the lag hit and they took me to a hospital
Dooble Voom: not a UFO? you had no missing time??
Hadda Doobie: missing limb
Droog Voom: ahhhh much better
Hadda Doobie: i don't miss my head
Droog Voom: dats the trick
Hadda Doobie: i still have a penis
Droog Voom: ahhhh

SL/Encounters in Welcome Area, pt. 38/PG

Soy Burger: you will only see male nipples here

Soy Burger: you will have to wait for a "mature" sim to see female nipples

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Chips Cupola: Do you like big feet?

Maud Wingtips: just fine =)

Malaria Donat: why not

Soy Burger: i made my feet especially big in Welcome Area since i knew it was a PG sim

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Johnny Spicola: i am on a mission

Johnny Spicola: to find a penis

Malaria Donat: ;)

Soy Burger: on "day 3" of every male newbie, a search for a penis is underway

Maud Wingtips: lolololol

SL/Encounters in Welcome Area, pt. 36/Tales around the Campfire

Michael interrupted the campfire in his quest for sex

Michael1 Aeon: maybe i can buy a vagina in this game?
Plex Olivier: maybe you should buy a penis first
Michael1 Aeon: i have a very large penis
Scamper Nitely [a dog]: I'll sell you one
Plex Olivier: oooooh
Soy Burger: go ahead and sell him a canine penis
Soy Burger: they are not very big but noticeable
Anita Alcott: gross
Someone was taking snapshots...
Plex Olivier: who is photoing?
Soy Burger: a ghost
Scamper Nitely: not me
Soy Burger: we got photo ghosts
Soy Burger: around campfire

SL/Freaky

I couldn't rez as my usual avatar, nor could I rez as my back-up avatar (see below), so I ended up being a combination of both: a turkey/elephant (but with a rat's tail) and some human characteristics. (Thank you SL for making me a FREAK.)
I met two women doctors who offered to give me a (non-) free check up.

This is me sitting on the edge of their bed--a freak.

"Examine me please," I pleaded, "and please tell me that I'm a healthy freak."

Freak: ...and again, sorry about the tail
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Is that grey clothes? or are you nude
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Because we are doing a body examination, correct?
Freak: i think it's my skin
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Oh
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Is that your only skin?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Okay..So What Color Would you Expect your Skin Color To Be?
Freak: blushing red
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Considerate Done!
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Alright.. please tell me what you would like. Body examination, correct sir?
Freak: yes, i need to find out among other things if i am in possession of a penis
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Alright..
Freak: and nipples
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Okay.
Freak: and if i can be tattooed or not
Dr. Natalie Laughton: We can do a penis transplant
Freak: can i pick which celebrity penis i want?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: sure
Freak: i want the Lou Ferigno
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Okay..
Dr. Natalie Laughton: alright
Dr. Natalie Laughton: now this is going to cost for the surgery, and the penis
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Thank you..That's All The Information We Need.
Freak: it will cost me my virginity that's for certain
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Sir..Can we Please Explain To you?
Freak: without a penis i've led a carefree life
Dr. Natalie Laughton: okay sir i think we know enough about your personal life
Dr. Natalie Laughton: now about the transplant
Dr. Evonna Emmons: We Buy The Stuff..And We Help you..So..Yes you would habe to..
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Have*
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Excuse My Language.
Freak: Would you like a man if you knew deep down he didn't have a penis?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ok so
Dr. Natalie Laughton: doctor emmons
Dr. Natalie Laughton: how much will the surgery cost?
Freak: this surgery will cost an arm and a leg
Dr. Natalie Laughton: please sir
Dr. Evonna Emmons: The Surgery Will be About..i say 20 Lindens..Because..Its Changed you Very Differently.
Dr. Natalie Laughton: and the penis will be 10
Dr. Natalie Laughton: we are very inexpensive here
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ok now the penis
Freak: a 10 dollar penis...
Dr. Natalie Laughton: well
Dr. Natalie Laughton: how much do you have
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ?
Freak: my whole lifetime dreaming of one, and you offer a 10 dollar penis
Dr. Natalie Laughton: its nice..
Freak: can i see it?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Well In Real Life?you have to Pay For Surgery..So we do It Here.
Dr. Natalie Laughton: lol
Freak: i promise i wont touch it
Dr. Evonna Emmons: lol.
Dr. Natalie Laughton: uhm
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Are you going to Buy it?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ill attach it to my arm so u can see it
Freak: you expect me to make life altering decisions in a hurry don't you?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ok
Dr. Natalie Laughton: so when i click it

Dr. Natalie Laughton: it can go regular, and erect
Freak: see me shaking?

Dr. Natalie Laughton: yup
Freak: that means i am thrilled
Dr. Natalie Laughton: okay so want the surgery?
Freak: yes, i think so
Freak: who is going to perform it?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: both
Dr. Natalie Laughton: of us
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Please...Pay The Amount...First.
Freak: Are you both going to be sterile? Or is it my job to be sterile?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Sir..First Before we start The Surgery Can you Please Pay it?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: The Amount...For The Surgery
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Thank you
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Natalie
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Please Give him The Penis.
Dr. Evonna Emmons: He's Paid.
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Ok
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Lets do the surgery
Freak: don't hand it to me
Freak: fit it on me
Dr. Evonna Emmons: You have to Have It Sir.
Freak: but i want you to have it
Freak: for awhile
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Ok. Ill tell you what
Dr. Natalie Laughton: ill give it to u, then ill act like i am putting it on after u put it on
Dr. Natalie Laughton: will that make you happy?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: lol.
Freak: no
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Then What Will?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Well there is no other way
Dr. Natalie Laughton: What do you want
Freak: i want you to give me a penis AND one of your lips
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Uh
Dr. Natalie Laughton: We are not permitted to do that
Dr. Natalie Laughton: sir
Freak: you can make copies
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Woah..You Wen't To Far Sir.
Freak: oh, and i don't know which lip
Freak: if i had to choose one...
Freak: i'd say tongue
Freak: forget about lip i want tongue instead
Dr. Evonna Emmons: If you aren't going to Do This Right..Can you Please Just Say So..We aren't Allowed..To Do This..To Any Client Sir..We Are Here To Do our Job..Right.
Freak: wow, that was a lot of capitalization, i appreciate that
Dr. Evonna Emmons: What Color Skin Again Sir?
Freak: um, flesh colored
Freak: turkey colored flesh
Dr. Natalie Laughton gave you Scripted Penis by SH Hospital.
Freak: thank you, i can feel it already
Freak: it's still in my Inventory and wanting to get out
IM: Natalie Laughton: Please attach the penis
Dr. Natalie Laughton: Okay. Search Scripted Penis
Dr. Natalie Laughton: and it should come up [so I attach it]
Dr. Natalie Laughton: woops
Freak: it came up under my arm
Dr. Natalie Laughton: let me try this again

Freak: that looks like a mini turkey
Dr. Natalie Laughton: detach it
Dr. Natalie Laughton: and ill give you a new one
Dr. Evonna Emmons Gently Puts Skin Cream On your Skin..
Dr. Evonna Emmons: You Should Turn Color's In 5 Minutes Sir.
Dr. Natalie Laughton gave you New Scripted Penis by SH Hos.
Freak: lol
Freak: what a job
Freak: ok, thank you
Dr. Natalie Laughton: wait
Dr. Natalie Laughton: were not done
Dr. Natalie Laughton: !
Freak: oooh
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Natalie Still Has to Fix Your Skin..
Dr. Natalie Laughton gently applys cream onto Patric's penis area.
Freak: that tingles
Dr. Natalie Laughton puts cream on Patric's penis.
Freak: ice cream
Dr. Natalie Laughton waits a few minutes for the cream to dry.
Natalie Laughton puts lotion everywhere the cream was.
Freak: thanks for not missing a spot
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Anytime.
Dr. Natalie Laughton applys lotion on the penis.
Freak: from now on my penis asks that it be called by its more technical name, cock
Dr. Natalie Laughton: uh ok
Freak: Wait, i forgot to properly name it
Freak: do you want to hold the naming ceremony now?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Sir..We Aren
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Here For This..Can you Please Let is Finish?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: alright do you need anymore cream or lotion?
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Us*
Dr. Natalie Laughton: we need the penis to be erect in order for the surgery to be finished
Freak: ok, which button?

Freak: is there a mole i should be looking for?
Dr. Natalie Laughton: no
Dr. Evonna Emmons: No.Sor.
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Sir*
Dr. Natalie Laughton: im asking
Dr. Natalie Laughton: are you 'hard'

Freak: i am hard of hearing and hard after hearing
Dr. Natalie Laughton: kk its erect:

Freak: yes, you made it hard
Freak: thank you
Freak: just by talking about it
Freak: the slightest bit of attention, it does its thing
Dr. Natalie Laughton: alright... we need to finish attaching your 'cock'

Freak: be sensitive, i'm poultry most of the time
Dr. Evonna Emmons: Okay..Sir.Can you Please Not Intterupt Natalie?She's Trying..To Do her Job..Can you not Leave Any Of your Comments Here Please.

Dr. Natalie Laughton: Thank you ev
Evonna Emmons: I'll Run Down..The Hall..To Get Some..Tools..For This Surgery. [she leaves, Dr. Laughton stays]
Freak: sorry for commenting during your sentence breaks

Freak thinks What's taking her so long?
[from down the hall] Dr. Evonna Emmons: Dr. Laughton-The Receptionist Needs To Talk to you In a Second..Please Finsh What your Are Doing Ma'am
Dr.Natalie Laughton puts a special numbing cream on his balls.
Dr.Natalie Laughton: Ok ill be rite back
Freak: hey wait a sec....
Dr.Natalie Laughton: hm?
Freak: that's the oldest trick in the book, getting called away
Freak: meanwhile i'm sitting here with numbing agent
Dr.Natalie Laughton: sir, ill be right back
Dr.Natalie Laughton: be good please..and we will be good to you
Freak: i'll be good and try not to open any drawers

SL/Encounters in Welcome Area pt.4

Loony

Zonji: MOOONWALK!!!
Soy: we are holding a raffle to see who will get to be the first person to go to the moon
Soy: or the nearest star
Zonji: i have a rocket
Zonji: il be the first
Soy: nice
Soy: you definitely will be,
Soy: illegally
Soy: you cannot go to the moon without sanction

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Taveon, the Naked Angel

For no obvious reason, in the middle of a crowd, a naked angel appeared.

Brick Cioc: the winged naked man strikes again
Soy: why am i watching some naked angel

Soy: some naked male angel
Taveon shouts: Anybody have a job for a poor guy
Brick: yes Taveon
Crispy: What's the fun of being an angel if you don't even get the naughty bits?
Soy: i have a job that requires you to be a naked male angel wearing black wings
Soy: are you qualified?
Taveon: yes
Brick Cioc: yes
Soy: as an angel you must swear to never get a penis attachment
Crispy: That's sad.

Taveon shouts: any jobs for a naked dark angel
Soy: lol
Soy: by dark you mean tan, angel?
Taveon: no dark as in evil
Soy shouts: i have a job for you naked dark angel only if you grow a gut
Brick: and put some pants on dammit
Soy: you must have the perfect body but you also must have a gut
Soy: deal?
Taveon: k hold on
Brick: taveon you may have my underpants
Soy: lol
Brick: il give them to you
Aribella: you were going to give them to me Brick! I'm crush

SL/I say this as a straight man

My next trick is to invent a bong so realistic it looks like a penis is growing where the lips usually go.
Men will have a choice: to not smoke, or take the best bong hit ever.
Normal men will likely take the hit.
It will be fun watching their lips form around a penis (for the first time).


Second Life

Second Life/Trying on Penises

One of the more interesting aspects about Second Life is the way it mirrors sex in our society. The most dynamic destinations seem to have a sexual component...
Speaking of which...
I tried on penises for the first time today. (I've been wandering around SL without one for days!) (Proving how unassimilated I am.)
The penis I selected frankly mirrors my own rather well-endowed size, but don't hold it against me. :)
I paid too much for mine, if you must know. To get the right one, I had to stand back, with a finger on my lower lip and take in the vast array of penises...
Finally I settled on this humongous gland.
(I paid 400 linden dollars for it.)
(---eeeeeeeeek-----!!) The women should love it.

I do.