Second Life/Trying on Penises

One of the more interesting aspects about Second Life is the way it mirrors sex in our society. The most dynamic destinations seem to have a sexual component...
Speaking of which...
I tried on penises for the first time today. (I've been wandering around SL without one for days!) (Proving how unassimilated I am.)
The penis I selected frankly mirrors my own rather well-endowed size, but don't hold it against me. :)
I paid too much for mine, if you must know. To get the right one, I had to stand back, with a finger on my lower lip and take in the vast array of penises...
Finally I settled on this humongous gland.
(I paid 400 linden dollars for it.)
(---eeeeeeeeek-----!!) The women should love it.

I do.

Second Life/Sexy Lexi

There is a fascinating world out there called Second Life, which only exists on the Web. And I have been playing it (or wandering on it) since earlier this week.

Yesterday I ended up getting kicked out (and banned) from an '80s dance club by a girl named Lexi. (Lexi, by the way, is the perfect name for a proprietor of an '80s dance club.) Lexi was about 25 and built--or built as much as pixels can be--and she stood on a table, dancing away...topless. She became my first topless table dancer! I gave her 50 (Linden) dollars. (Linden dollars is the official currency in Second Life.)
Maybe my gums flapped too much, because Lexi soon grew tired of my act and bounced me from the club. Banned. [She need not hire bouncers, by the way, because she's more than capable of bouncing people herself.] I found myself outside the club, literally looking in. Emotionally, I was roughed up but otherwise I was okay enough to start wandering the grounds--looking for a way back in.
Sexy Lexi.
I must have "wandered" for over five minutes, peering in windows, checking doors: Everything was locked. Yes, I know it all sounds desperate, but as far as I was concerned, me and Lexi still had unfinished business to tend to. (I *needed* back in.)

I even tried IMing her a half-dozen times. No response. Apparently when you are "banned" on SL your messages disappear into the void of cyber space--especially when you are trying to reach a proprietor. Lexi, as owner of the club, could not hear my cries for re-admittance, nor see me pounding on the door.

Then something stopped me: What if it really wasn't an '80s dance club? What if it really was a front for prostitution? Hadn't Sexy Lexi been a pixelated call girl? A phore?
Hadn't the whole '80s dance club thing been a masquerade; a front? Come to think of it, even the music made no sense: over-the-top arrangements by Motley Crüe followed by some piffle from Air Supply? Any self-respecting '80s dance club knew better than this.

Then I had my answer:
I was lucky to have most of my Linden dollars left.

Another lesson learned from Second Life!

Another surreal day for news headlines on Drudge. Check these out:

FREAK FARM TO BE SHOWN ON TV: Supercow and pigs that glow at night...

School bus driver fired for giving Bush the bird...

Man booted from gym for GRUNTING while working out...

Letter Carrier Attacked by Squirrel...

Corny lines I have actually used in online dating chat...

I don't have the funds to visit you. Would you settle on our dreams?

If you allow me into your garden, I will do my best to make it grow.

Besides the stench and the coughs it produced, I must say I really enjoyed smoking. Months after I quit cigarettes I still fantasize about having one. "I will only take 2 puffs and that's it." Suuuuuuuuurrrrrrre I will.

God, what a fantasy.

With all the developments in nanotechnology, you'd think they'd develop a filter that cleans up all the bad stuff in cigarettes and leave only the good stuff (if any). This filter should also render the smoke so it doesn't smell.

I will gladly take up smoking again once this is accomplished.

Gas Prices Need to Go back Up

I am uncomfortable that gas prices are falling so dramatically. I got so used to seeing them inch higher and higher that this new trend is upsetting.

Urge Congress to intervene; my eyes got used to seeing a certain alarming increase; now this is confusing me.

I wish I knew you better

I wish circumstances were right for us to know each other better
I like you
(I really like you)
When you look at me I cannot possibly look away
Something grabs me...
My heart seems frozen in time
My thoughts become your thoughts
My words are my 'roses'
My eyes are 'arms' to hold you
Heart to heart
Nothing seems to last forever like a heart touching another heart...
I want your heart to touch mine--desperately.

Spinach is killing people now. So the kids are right...

I think, in honor of tornado watches, we should design our own Tornado Watch for the heartland.

"No Bra on Babs!" A hysterical headline in Drudge prompted by a recent newswire photo of Barbra Streisand sans bra -- in a see-through blouse no less. I say, go ahead, Babs! We will stand behind you.

Album Titles in My Mind...

If I were a musician, these are some album titles I would consider:

Mushroom Breath

Pout Then Pontificate

Dammit! Coffee on My Ten-Dollar Jeans

Don't Play Me Again on AM Radio (It Degrades the Sound)

I want a Relationship (So I can Write a Song about You)

Conversations at Work

Warning: some objectifying and possibly racist humor

I was watching "Dear Larry" watch porn on the store's computer, and I got a kick of how his face scrunched right up to the screen and he began panting over this one hot Asian chick with particularly large breasts. Then it occurred to me that the photo could have been digitally altered to include another woman's (i.e., a Caucasian woman's) breasts because there was something unnatural about the way those big breasts sat upon that lithe Asian body. In other words, it was "Photoshopped."
How many guys like Larry, I wondered, had spanked to what they thought were authentic Asian women--but in reality were Asians with Caucasian breasts? In this age where anything-is-possible with the help of sophisticated graphics programs like PhotoShop, there could be hundreds of websites floating around featuring Asian women with artificial breasts!
So..........
It begs the question: How may sick website operators have replaced, say, the necks of naked women with, say, the necks of naked men? Hmmm? This is taking it one step further, admittedly, but it needs attention: They--the website operators--would get their kicks knowing that any male visitor is likely to spank to what he thinks is 100% female--yet in reality is 93% female and 7% male!

There could be hundreds of these "Frankenstein" web sites out there already, featuring mostly-women but partially-men.

The implications are outrageous.